I thought i was over it

I thought I was over it and was actually working towards  moving on but I was Wrong. I am stuck in a low place where I see no end in sight. I can't see a happiness for me. I can see smiles but I know it will always linger in my head. I hate feeling like this. It's so easy to put on smiles  and nobody car or notice. I cry in private because no one listens anyways. They all see the tears in my eyes and just move on. It's easier to do it all privately so I cannot be mad for those that ignore and instead just blame myself for shutting myself off from the world.

My emotions have never gotten me to succeed so perhaps there is no need for them. Or at least a need to show them.

Sometimes I think it will never end

Sometimes I feel like there is so much horrible things happening to me that it will continue and my luck will never turn. I hate being a victim but yet I continue to feel that way. I feel like a victim because all the things that have happened to me have been out of my control, things I cannot change. things I have to just roll with. I will eventually get past this and I know that I can eventually heal, but it what condition do I want to heal? Do  want to heal and just go back to what I was before, do I want to emerge into a new person, stronger, kinder, more accepting, or do I just want to get past this a start a new path. I do not know.

things have always been like this and perhaps now I am just done with it. You have always been like this and I have been able to handle it but I am done. I am tired of being affected by your decisions.

Good and Bad

There are 2 types of people in the world, good and bad. Both are defined by their deeds and not by their religion

Alone

I hate being alone in the car because all I can do is think and I remember, and then cry when I remember that everything has not turned the way I wanted. How all my plans have been derailed and that you were the cause of it. I no longer want to cry because crying does nothing. It does not help the situation. It doesn't fix anything and the problems are still there when the tears are done.

You're an Idiot...

I hate when I have to walk you through my feeling so that you can understand me. It's very simple… I state that I do not like that ….. hey I found out that ….. has happened therefore I feel upset and angry.

I do not understand who or what Im mad at anymore. Just move through life slowly, I don't know why I still hurt or even I still hurt sometimes. I do not know how to act… like everything is ok or a reminder that it is not. Do not judge me cause I don't know how to act