Sometimes I get tired of living. Sometimes the act of waking up every morning puts so much strain on me I would rather not exist. The process of getting by and just surviving overwhelms me. I wish that I somehow was in charge of some of the problems in my life, if that were the case then I could easily fix them, but it's those problems that have come along with life that are too much sometimes. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of feeling this overwhelming feeling of guilt. It's easy to just say that today I decide to be happy, but actually doing it is a little bit harder, that's a lie It's MUCH HARDER.
So what do I do, I get up and just keep going through life. I fix breakfast for the kids, I clean the house, I smile I laugh but inside I'm screaming.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
My own private Idaho
So I started this blog as my own private idaho. My own little world where I feel I can write and I'm just wondering if anyone cares, reads, or even enjoys my words. I have not told anyone I know about it because I don't want to ask people to read my private thoughts.I know I have it out for anyone to read but it's anonymous. No one knows who I am so the situations described can be just anyones.
Well last week I actually 5 people who stopped by this blog. Now whether they read it or not I do not know, but they did stop by. EXCITING! But they haven't returned :( So it was exciting for a bit. well I will continue to basically use this Idaho for my ranting and thoughts. If anyone cares or reads, give a shout out!
Well last week I actually 5 people who stopped by this blog. Now whether they read it or not I do not know, but they did stop by. EXCITING! But they haven't returned :( So it was exciting for a bit. well I will continue to basically use this Idaho for my ranting and thoughts. If anyone cares or reads, give a shout out!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Finals
As I'm getting ready to complete my first final in school I think about my finals is life. I wish there was a defining test that would tell me how I did in the subject. I wish there was a study period where you can say, by 10 am tomorrow it will all be over.
What would my subjects be? I think my first one and hardest one would be child rearing. I wonder if it would be cumulative for all kids or individual. would it only encompass a particular time in their lives? I would totally ace the infant stage. I think I did have a final for that stage, it was called they advanced to toddler age. I don't know how I did in this section. Maybe a B+? the toddler age was hard as I at one point had one at infant, 2 at toddler and one school age. They were major headaches, I remember crying all the time. I wonder if I got taken any points off for feeding them cereal for dinner? Or what if I let them sit in front of the TV for hours on end? Is there a curve?
Will my negligence for housework come into this final or is that another separate subject all together. Is taking the kids to my moms so I can watch TV that isn't cartoons count as cheating? I at times watched my friends kids, does that count as extra credit? Who is grading this test anyways? When I finish the test can I sell back the materials and get some money back? Do I need a #2 pencil?
I sometimes try to grade my projects by how they are developing. They keep reminding me that they are not an extension of me and therefore are responsible for their own successes. But their failures apparently I had a hand in, ha.
So in the end I realize, no there is no final, there is no test, and when I am been graded it is usually by me and I am very harsh. Sometimes I feel like I'm just getting by and other times I am the best mom in the world. I think in the end I come back with "I am doing the best I can with the resources I have"
What would my subjects be? I think my first one and hardest one would be child rearing. I wonder if it would be cumulative for all kids or individual. would it only encompass a particular time in their lives? I would totally ace the infant stage. I think I did have a final for that stage, it was called they advanced to toddler age. I don't know how I did in this section. Maybe a B+? the toddler age was hard as I at one point had one at infant, 2 at toddler and one school age. They were major headaches, I remember crying all the time. I wonder if I got taken any points off for feeding them cereal for dinner? Or what if I let them sit in front of the TV for hours on end? Is there a curve?
Will my negligence for housework come into this final or is that another separate subject all together. Is taking the kids to my moms so I can watch TV that isn't cartoons count as cheating? I at times watched my friends kids, does that count as extra credit? Who is grading this test anyways? When I finish the test can I sell back the materials and get some money back? Do I need a #2 pencil?
I sometimes try to grade my projects by how they are developing. They keep reminding me that they are not an extension of me and therefore are responsible for their own successes. But their failures apparently I had a hand in, ha.
So in the end I realize, no there is no final, there is no test, and when I am been graded it is usually by me and I am very harsh. Sometimes I feel like I'm just getting by and other times I am the best mom in the world. I think in the end I come back with "I am doing the best I can with the resources I have"
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Stupid friends
When I see that a lot of my friends have posted the same spam that basically says one of many, See who checked out your profile, or look at this video, Facebook has a dislike button press here to enable it, all I think is I have stupid friends.
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